Taking a break from my frantic schedule of trying to get the Loremaster before the world blows up, I noticed that the fine folks over at Blog Azeroth had dropped a new topic for this week and since my office is watching the Earthly World Cup I would play along with my own version. (Besides I have found a few interesting things but only finished Durotar, Ashenvale, Mulgore and The Barrens so far.)

The folks at Blog Azeroth asked:

Now imagine: What if, instead of laying waste to two continents, Deathwing actually came up and said “Let’s determine which race of Azeroth is best once and for all – by having the World Cup of Warcraft!”

I think the bracket would go something like this (assuming a bracket)

Kalimdor Division:
Tauren
Night Elves
Orcs
Draenei
Darkspear Trolls
Goblins
Southsea Pirates
Theramore Humans

Eastern Kingdoms Division:
Forsaken
Blood Elves
Knights of the Ebon Blade
Dwarves
Gnomes
Stormwind Humans
Worgen of Gilneas
Scarlet Crusade

Outlands/Northrend Division:
Fel Orcs
Lost Ones
Burning Legion
Nexus Stalkers
Taunka
Vargul
Scourge (Ice Crown)
Kalu’ak

Now, this being my warped little tournament I am not going for football / soccer. Oh no. We are going to go with Ullamaliztli with the losing teams being eaten by Deathwing.

The First Round:

Kalimdor

Tauren 2
Night Elves 1
The Night Elves initially have a leg up with an early goal, but their stamina fades after the halfway mark and they are literally stunned by Tauren thunderstomps, which eliminates the advantages of a shadowmelded defense.

Orcs 3
Draenei 4
A fairly even match, both teams played hard but they were evenly matched and the game went into sudden death. (literally) The Draenei manage to distract the Orc team in a desperate Wiggling bellydance offense.

Darkspear Trolls 5
Goblins 1
The Goblins were clearly outmatched, even with their shredders on the field. The lack of turning radius on rockets took out half of the Goblin team within seconds.

Southsea Pirates 0
Theramore Humans 10
Taking the field full of grog is a poor strategy. Deathwing commented on the fact that the pirates came pre-pickled.

Eastern Kingdoms

Forsaken 3
Blood Elves 5
The Blood Elf Arcane Torrent made it very difficult for the Forsaken to change strategy on the fly in this matchup.

Ebon Blade 7
Dwarves 2
Stumpy legs. Nuff said.

Gnomes 6
Stormwind Humans 2
A surprise upset occurred when the humans assumed they were playing children. Then the Ice Magery began.

Worgen 3
Scarlet Crusade 0
Librarians can’t run. Dogs Can. Fetch!

Outlands/Northrend

Fel Orcs 0
Lost Ones Forfeit
The Lost Ones’ did nt have the spirit to take the field. Deathwing sped things up.

Burning Legion 12
Nexus Stalkers 2
This game initially started with two very fast Nexus Stalker goals. The Dreadlords then brought the pain. And the infernals.

Taunka 3
Vargul 2
The game was tied right up until the end, when the Vargul tried to hit the Taunka between the eyes with a 2 x 4. The fact that their face is already smashed should have been a clue about how thick their skulls really are.

Scourge 7
Kalu’ak 4
Things went well initially, until the fans threw a squid on the court and the Kalu’ak all dove for the snack, ignoring the ballgame entirely.

Second Round: (Division Semi Finals)

Kalimdor

Tauren 2
Draenei 1
It was a very defensive game until the Draenei offended the Tauren who trampled the “Bellydance Offense” to score the winning goal.

Darkspear Trolls 3
Theramore Humans 1
The humans learned their lesson about dismissing the Trolls as “Primitive Screwheads” when they realized that the Trolls were not impressed by the “Boomstick”.

Eastern Kingdoms

Blood Elves 3
Ebon Blade DQ
The Death Knights were disqualified for too many players on the field after someone mistakenly cast Army of the Dead

Gnomes 3
Worgen 2
Realizing their opportunity, the Gnomes brought a Stick which totally was better to fetch than some old boring ball.

Outlands/Northrend

Fel Orcs 1
Burning Legion 121
The Fel Reaver came off the bench for this game.

Taunka 6
Scourge 0
The star player of the Taunka had an unfortunate heart attack from a life time of over consumption of red meat. The Scourge wished to follow his example by starting with him.

Round 3: (Division Finals)

Kalimdor

Tauren 2
Trolls 4
Halfway through the game, the Troll Spear throwers learn to make Beef Kabob.

Eastern Kingdoms

Blood Elves 4
Gnomes 1
The gnomes finally meet their match in the Blood Elves who are not fooled one bit. Nor are they amused.

Outlands/Northrend

Burning Legion Forfeit
Taunka Dead
Adding a second Fel Reaver broke the Court, Killing the Taunka team.

Round 4: (Finals!) (GRUDGE MATCH!)

Darkspear Trolls 5
Blood Elves 2
The Darkspear trolls managed to get half of the Blood Elves arguing over the borders of the Amani Empire, while the rest happily followed a particularly tasty magic wand over the edge of a cliff.

The WINNER: Darkspear Trolls.